Sophie's+Page





I was born on the 21st of May in London, England.

__My Kiwi Quote__

Being a kiwi is being laid back, slow paced, informal, having a good sense of humour, never taking anything seriously except for sports (especially rugby and any competitive activity against Australia) and having a lot of kiwi ingenuity.

__My Speech__

__The Darwin Awards__

Did you know there are these prestigious prizes called the Darwin Awards? Do you know what they are awarded for? Although I’m sure you would all be pleased to get an award, this is one you don’t want to get. The Darwin Awards are actually awards given out to people who do incredibly stupid things which generally cost them their lives.

The Darwin Awards honour Charles Darwin who observed that each generation descends from those who survive. Their ‘motto’ is: Honouring those who improve the species... by accidently removing themselves from it. They enjoy noting the fact that the people who received the awards are now ‘safely out of the gene pool.’

A candidate for a Darwin Award is disqualified if ‘innocent bystanders,’ who might have contributed positively to the gene pool, are killed in the process. There are 4 requirements to receive a Darwin Award. 1. Excellence: Astoundingly stupid judgement. The candidate foolishness must be unique and sensational. 2. Self-Selection: Cause of one’s own demise. The candidate must have killed or injured themselves rather than a third party. 3. Maturity: Capable of sound judgement. The candidate must be at least past the legal driving age and free of mental defect. And finally 4. Veracity: The event must be verified.

A fine example is a man who went out hunting with his dog. His dog found a bone which the man tried to take from him. When the dog would not give up the bone, the man grabbed his loaded shotgun and began using it like a club to hit the dog. His shotgun struck the ground and fired, shooting the man in the abdomen. A harsh kind of puppy love.

In another incident a man showed his friends a detonator he had found. He thought it was too old to explode but his friends disagreed. To prove his point, he put the detonator in his mouth and asked his friend to plug the wires into a 220-volt electrical receptacle. He ended up eating his words because the detonator exploded, blew out his cheeks and smashed all his teeth.

A 19 year old teenager was celebrating the end of final exams with some friends. He attempted to score a free coke by shaking the 420 kg coke machine. Even as it fell on the unfortunate, coke deprived teen, no free cokes fell out. It also had been reported that toppled vending machines had caused at least 35 deaths and 140 injuries at the time.

In one of the most classic accidents of all time a man was trying to fire his gun but it wouldn’t work. He then looked into the barrel of the gun and pulled the trigger, effectively firing the bullet straight into his head. In Germany, a sword swallower died after he put an umbrella down his throat and accidently pushed the button that opened it.

In Southern Egypt, 6 people drowned while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well. The bodies of the 6 were later pulled out of the well. The chicken was also pulled out. Although chickens are not known to have any kind of swimming ability, this one survived. Another thief who tried to rob a shop near my Dad’s work probably deserves a Darwin Award. He was trying to break into the shop so he threw a brick at the shatter-proof glass. Thus according to the laws of physics, every action is accompanied by an equal and opposite reaction which in this case resulted in the brick rebounding and knocking him unconscious.

So as you have now learnt, not all awards are given out for being clever or skilled. I sincerly hope that none of you will ever qualify for a Darwin Award.